Filed under: benches, bums arguing, leave my bench alone, little league, montgomery burns, parliamentary procedure, pharoahs, robert's rules, sitting down
Since little league, I’ve had a special connection with benches. A sturdy and reliable means of relaxation, the noble bench provides all who sit on it with the opportunity to rest their bones and allow life to slow down even for just a moment. I think we all remember that it was the eminently quotable C. Montgomery Burns who once said “Ah, yes, sitting— the great leveler. From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn’t enjoy a good sit?”
Can’t say that I don’t, Monty. In fact, my affinity for idling on benches has allowed me to discover one of the great treasures of the Inner Richmond. Located somewhere in Golden Gate Park, (I realize it will be pretty easy to figure out where I’m talking about from the description, to say nothing of the fact there’s an actual picture of the bench in this entry, and that because of its high-traffic location it’s already nowhere near exclusive, but let’s continue to play this game, shall we?) the mystery bench has stood perched at its post near (where?) since time immemorial, when I moved to the city two years ago.
Hidden in plain sight during the day, shrouded in darkness at night, this particular bench allows for surreptitious surveillance of three bus stops, a busy intersection, and an entire apartment building. The theater of life at the height of its unawareness. Or, you know, creepy people-watching if you aren’t trying to glorify antisocial behavior.
Creepy or not, it’s interesting. Regardless of the time of day, ten minutes don’t seem to pass without some kind of activity, and in this town, it’s usually weird. Even an old lady shuffling down the street can be safely classified as bizarre when its 3:30 am. Sitting on the bench can also provide the residents of Fulton (this mystery is really starting to unravel quickly) with visual confirmations of what they’ve only heard outside their windows: the resolution of disagreements between residents of the park. They don’t adhere to Robert’s Rules but the debate is robust and while not often decisive or productive, it is entertaining.
So, if you are ever looking for a quiet place to observe the city’s residents in a way they cannot detect, I cannot stress this highly enough: find somewhere other than the bench behind the bus stop at Arguello and Fulton to do so (ah, crap, I said it).
